Chiang Rai

Going from Pai to Chiang Rai involved a minibus through treacherous mountain roads and then another bus and fortunately no vomit. Chiang Rai is not as big as Chiang Mai, and the place we were staying at didn't look like it had been cleaned for a good while, there were holes in the wall, and the bathroom had several types of mould spread over the walls. Still, it was cheap, and it wasn't too far from town so it was easy to escape the legions of flying ants that inhabited the bar after nightfall.

We decided to hire a scooter again, as the stuff we wanted to see was a bit outside of town, and once again we managed to have no problems or accidents. Yay.

Highlights of the day included the White Temple; a relatively new building that also had the most beautiful toilet building I have ever seen...

The Baan Dam Museum (which we had to go to after seeing one TripAdvisor review say "This was the worst Exposure of inner demons along with actual Exposure of the darkness of the artist if you could even call it art. Do Not waste your time or money for this..."

And it was awesome - like a set from Game of Thrones that got built and then rejected for being too weird. Loads of weird stuff, all the work of one artist that took 50 years or so to build.

Then we hit the Oub Kham Museum that had loads of information about old royal families and tonnes of artifacts, and after this exhausting day of culture we hung out for a while at a Cat Cafe.

Asshole cats that weren't very social, but still. Cat Cafe.

We left the next day - I didn't get a picture of it, but imagine two stupid white girls on a tiny scooter with two massive rucksacks and some extra bags and that was us.

We were heading to Laos and had two options - take a two day river trip with an overnight stay in a tiny town, or get an overnight bus that left at 5ish and arrived at 6am.

We chose the bus. We were pretty much passed out for most of the journey, and we also got snacks and a blanket. The only downside was the stench of human excrement that began 7 hours in and stayed in my consciousness for the next 3 days.

Luang Prabang

We really liked this place. So did thousands of other tourists apparently, as everywhere we went we were surrounded. Beautiful waterfalls, magical sunsets and cool riverside bars. Also a lot of french bakeries.

So strong...

We also went on a kayak trip, saw some a cave full of Buddhas and a few shots of Rice Whiskey.

It was 50%. And yes, some of those bottles contain snakes and scorpions

I'll admit a lot of the 'kayaking' involved just floating down the river, expending zero effort and generally just chilling out.

I'd read somewhere that watching the sun set from a temple on a hill in the middle of town was pretty cool, so we did that. I wasn't anticipating this romantic idea to also involve about 200 other travelers but we rolled with it.

New friends. Not even half of them.

We were especially charmed by the 20 teenage schoolgirls from New Zealand singing Vance Joy's seminal classic 'Riptide' loudly, off key, and without regard for rhythm, lyrics or timing, while we walked back down the hill. So nice.

Next stop, Vang Vieng. 

Chiang Mai III

Friday 14/04 - Tuesday 18/04

Our last day in Chiang Mai we finally did what most people do in the first couple of days of being in Thailand, which was get a foot massage (it fucking hurt man, not into it) and go to a ladyboy show (in the Ram Bar) and it was waaaay better than we were expecting. Not only did we make a rad new friend there, but the Cabaret itself was such a good show! Fantastic dancing, beautiful girls and the costumes were bloody amazing. At one point one of the performers left the stage, climbed onto the bar which was then set on fire... what more could you possibly want from a night out? Highly recommended.

The next day we finally left and headed to Pai - Thailand's version of Byron Bay - backpackers everywhere, lots of bars, lots of stuff to do. We hired scooters for three days (sorry, Mum) and managed not to become roadkill. We picked up a couple of Canadian friends in a gas station and spent a day zooming around seeing the sights and enjoying our new status as a Biker Gang.

On our way to beat up some punks

We got a couple of bad asses over here.

Walking along a RIDICULOUS cliff edge (Pai Canyon)

We also attempted a longer journey to a village three hours away. Unfortunately the weather was less than ideal... Also we almost got attacked by a pack of dogs. (I also got attacked by a bird. And bitten by an ant. It was not a good nature day.)

Gimme Shelter

Babs drives like a grandma anyway; not like a Thai grandma, who can take these roads no problem with three kids on the back and a food stall attached to the side - but an English grandma who can only drive in straight lines and only when the weather is good.
The rain didn't help.
After stopping off at a hot spring and Lod Cave and a couple of rain breaks it was dark by the time we got to the sleepy town of Mae Hong Son. We had to get the bikes back by 12 the next day so we got up well early, went looking for some huge bamboo bridge we wanted to see, spent an hour getting lost off the main road, gave up, rejoined the main road and saw the bloody bamboo bridge sign 20 meters down the road... so we sacked it off and drove straight back to Pai. Got a back massage (enjoyed it apart from the alarming back snapping manoeuvre that took me entirely by surprise) had a beer and got bus tickets for the next stop... Chiang Rai!

Chiang Mai II

Elephant Retirement Park
Thursday 13/04/2017

Elephant experience! We love elephants, especially Barbara who loves any animal she comes into contact with.

"Kitten!!! Give me the kitten!!"

And we really wanted to hang out with some elephants while we were here, so we did some research to find a place where they weren't mistreated or made to do tricks or forced to give rides to people. A lot of elephants get mistreated in this area as most of them are domestic and it costs a lot to feed and care for them. We really didn't want to support a company that mistreated the animals, and we did want our money to go into looking after them so at the place we chose we spent half a day feeding and giving the elephants a mud bath. No riding, no tricks.

It was awesome. Elephants are surprisingly playful, like enormous dogs who think they are cats.

The rest of our day was spent back in Chiang Mai, engaging in battle and getting rained on.

Shooting from a moving vehicle is fun, as long as you don't get stuck in traffic

Wet.

Chiang Mai

Chiang Mai
Tuesday 11/04/2017

We arrived in Chiang Mai on Tuesday, flying from Bangkok instead of taking bus or train. It was pretty cheap and the flight time was under an hour so totally worth it. Chiang Mai is the largest city in Northern Thailand and is a lot smaller than Bangkok (with a population of 150,000 compared to 8 million) but it does have a lot of tourists, especially now as it is Songkran (Thai New Year, more on that later). There are 800 temples here and the centre of the city is pretty easy to walk around if you can stand the temperature. (37C right now as I'm typing this!) We found a nice backpacker hostel to stay in with our own room and air con and as soon as we checked in and sorted our stuff we immediately had a walkabout and visited a couple of the temples.

Wat Chedi Luang

Bad ass dragons

Then we had a cooking lesson! We are now confident curry makers and will be hosting a dinner party on our return, come at your own risk, friends...
It started off in the market where Bow, our instructor, took us through all the special ingredients and showed us what we would be using. I, of course, immediately forgot most of the facts but I now know there are three different types of ginger and the Thai word for pumpkin is Fak Thong. We ended up making Spring Rolls, two main dishes (including the curry paste; Babs made Kow Soi and I made Green Curry), Pad Thai and Sticky Mango Rice.

Edible food I made

It was actually a fantastic experience, especially since we didn't have to do any washing up. And the food tasted great of course. Mum, I'm gonna cook you something great once were in the same country that also happens to have a good market/shop nearby :D

Next day we took a red truck taxi up the side of a mountain to visit a temple there - super busy due to the time of year again, but still worthwhile.

Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep

After that we went on a walking tour of the city to look at another temple and some monuments and generally get a feel of the place. By now, some people had already gotten an early start to the next days festival activities... so in self-defence we had to arm ourselves...

Happy New Year, bitch! *splash*

The origin of this New Year tradition is that is a time where they clean the Buddha images, and the water that is used is then gently poured over the heads of people seeking a blessing. This has now evolved into a 4 day citywide 'respectful' water fight where streets are closed, the streets are lined with bins and buckets full of water; sometimes from the tap, often from the moat that rings the centre of the city; and you just have to accept it and join in. There are also a lot of parades and religious activities taking place in this time, so there is a lot going on.

This guy was just warming up

We did find a party to go to. There was a lot of water.

Bangkok pt 2

Saturday was a chill day, we went for a little walk around the neighborhood and sat by the pool for a bit. Because we're out of the center, there's not as many signs in English so in the place we went for breakfast the waitress saw our struggle and possibly the haunted look in our eyes as we recalled our last traumatic meal and said the glorious magic words... "fried rice?". Sweet relief. Non spicy breakfast.

Yes, that IS a Union Jack cushion

The next day we had big plans, and almost as soon as we emerged from the underground station they immediately went to shit.
Our lilly white skin and permanent expressions of slightly hungover confusion are a prime target for scammers, and we had two well dressed men trying to get us (separately) to go to a particular dock for a boat trip ("its very good, my whole family did it for only 1800 baht, no point in going to chinatown, it's closed today, and the temple wont open again till two, the monks are having their lunch break.")
We tried to escape by getting a taxi but he was also part of it and took us to the dock, escorted us out, and as we were getting led down murder alley we saw a tall american lady who was also trying not to get scammed. After a brief argument (the price went from 1500 each down to 200 but only if we left the american behind (!)) and with some female solidarity we managed to escape.
We then walked 5 mins down the road and found the actual proper dock and got a hop on hop off ticket for 150 baht each.
Felt pretty stupid about letting it get that far when we were pretty sure it was bullshit, but too scared of getting murdered to tell them to actually fuck off. Its a stressful situation to be in, but we ended up fine so we'll chalk it up to a learning experience and never trust a man again.

We had a nice day after that, visited Wat Arun temple...

And then tried to get into the Grand Palace but got turned away for indecency and it was actually so busy that we went to a different temple instead (Wat Pho - temple of the reclining Buddah) which was also very interesting and shiny.

Then we proceeded immediately to Khao San Road, famous backpacker haven, to have a beer and celebrate a day of cultural enrichment. It was also time to finally relent and buy some dumb ass hippie trousers so I can cover up without sweating through the only jeans I own.

Cheesy chips!! Exactly why we came halfway across the world!

5.2% and 5%, in pint bottles, yay

By the end of the day we found ourselves in another night market, trying some more Thai beer.

While all this has been happening, it turns out Babs might be allergic to some bug bites? We're not sure yet, but her legs look like they've been fed on by vampire bats and its definitely not normal. I'm not having the same problem but we need to sort her out with some medication before people start assuming she has chicken pox. Another thing she has developed is 'Selective English Accent' where completely out of NOWHERE she drops into the weirdest Dutch/fake Chinese accent whenever she speaks to someone who doesn't understand or speak English very well. Its simultaneously the most hilarious and most annoying thing I've ever witnessed.

Bangkok Pt 1

It's holiday time! We decided to take two months off work and bought tickets to Bangkok with the intention of drifting around South East Asia for two months with no real plan or any idea of what we are doing... which is pretty much exactly how we live our daily lives anyway (so no-one should really be surprised when they ask us what we want to do and are met with two blank stares and a vague shrug). We like to call it "going with the flow" as opposed to "heads firmly up our arses"

Voted 'Most Likely To Get Scammed 2017'

Plan: Arrive in Bangkok. Stay in hostel a few nights. Go to Chiang Mai. From here plan is non existent.

I'm happy to report that the first part of the trip was a success, only having to run for one train (the very FIRST ONE oh my god who knew it would be at the other end of the platform? Not us, that's for sure) and we got to BKK around 7am no problems. Walking out the front doors was like getting enclosed in a naked hug (nice, warm, comforting, and the longer it goes on for, the moister and and less comfortable it gets, until you have to peel your skin away and find fresh air before you murder someone).

We managed to get a taxi and only got scammed by an extra unnecessary 50 baht. Success!

Smug sitting by the rooftop pool pose

After crashing by the rooftop pool for a quick nap before we were able to check in (hello, immediate sunburn) we dumped our stuff and got a taxi to the nearest sky rail stop to get into the center of the city. Siam Square is just a mass of shopping malls and markets and we kind of just wondered around and picked up a few things.


After a few bad directions we eventually managed to find a massive night market (Near the Thailand Cultural Center stop on the underground) where we had our first hot thai food experience: a salad that looked great until I ate a massive bite of it, immediately started hiccoughing and knocked over my own drink. Babs laughed at me, tried it, then immediately started crying and sweating. Vindicated!

So then we gave up on the shopping, hit the most appropriate looking bar....

IT'S A SIGN

Drinking Responsably? Responsibley? Can't even spell it let alone DO it

...And promptly drank too much. Standard.

Thus ended our first day in Thailand.

(I'll update this a bit better later, I'm sitting in a mozzie feeding frenzy I need to leave before I set everything on fire)